You think your baby is cute don’t you?

Of course you do.  That’s their defence mechanism.  Otherwise parents around the world would bash in the skulls of screaming babies at 2:47 am.  I understand that you think your baby is cute and I’m going to grant you all the privileges that go with that belief.

Now I’d like you to grant me something in return.

I don’t think your baby is cute.  Really.  I don’t.  In fact I can’t tell the difference between your baby and any other baby.

Ya know what?  I give even odds that if I took your baby and four other random babies and mixed them up you couldn’t tell your baby from the others either.  Parents can’t shut up about how cute their babies are but the truth is all babies look the same.

They all look alike.

They all look alike.

What’s really going on here is justification of your decision to have a child.  Having a baby (or multiple children) is a huge investment for parents.

  • You spent that 7 seconds having sex.
  • I’ve never been pregnant for 9 months but I’m certain it’s not fun.
  • Childbirth?  Yea, that looks like a good time.  Even with the drugs.
  • And then you will have to spend money on this parasite spawn of yours until . . . Well let’s just say that given current trends he/she/it/them may be living with you for, oh I don’t know, your entire life?

Of course you think your baby is cute, precious and one-of-a-kind.  Otherwise you would look in the mirror and ask yourself “why did I screw up my life?”  Thing is the rest of us don’t need to get in on this justification.  No, I don’t want to see your baby photos.  Yes, I’m being nice and smiling and nodding my head but that’s just acting.  It’s not an accurate reflection of what is going on in my mind.

But wait, it gets worse.  Because this is the start of you screwing up your parenting duties.

Soon after the baby is born parents notice the children have & do certain things.  They have sex organs and they expel bodily waste.  For some reason you parents think this is cute and feel the need to tell the world about it because you believe the rest of us will think it’s cute.

It’s not.

We don’t.

You are screwing up your children.

No it's not "cute". Stop.

No it’s not “cute”. Stop.

Case study number one. I’m talking to the mother of an eleven year old girl and blah blah blah whatever when it is announced that last night this young girl wet her bed.  Did I need to know that?  Further more does she need her mother telling people this?

Case study number two. My mother feels the need to tell people the story about when she had to remove a tick from my testicles.  Oh she thinks this is just so cute!  She laughs.  Oh she laughs and smiles and gleefully tells the story with all the details.  My son has testicles.  And a tick was on them.  Oh it was so cute!  Isn’t that just the cutest thing?

She doesn’t know why I don’t want to go out with her in public.  She tells stories like this to total strangers.

When I was a teenager and attempted to talk to a girl she would come over and tell the girl about the time I . . . CENSORED . . .

Then my mother would ask me “when are you going to get a girlfriend?”

Gosh . . . I don’t know.

One day this woman will hate her parents.

One day this woman will hate her parents.

Parents.  If you have, will, do or are telling anyone other than the child’s other biological parent any story that involves your child’s sex organs or body waste you need to stop.  Now. Your children are not going to think this is cute once they are old enough to understand what you are saying.

You are definitely beyond all shadow of doubt doing it wrong.  If you won’t stop doing this for your children then do it for yourself.  One day your children will be choosing which nursing home to put you in.

Comments

You think your baby is cute don’t you? — 38 Comments

  1. I’m going to have a hard time being in the same room as you now that I know all of this.

  2. Yea, just think how all my relatives feel. They have heard the story so many times they can tell it as if they were there.

  3. Oh my Gosh.
    I thought i was alone- it’s like I have just met a long lost brother. I’m 39, divorced, no kids( on purpose)
    Everyone tells me how great having kids is, and then tell me how miserable they are. The “your kids are not as cute” article sounds like my daily rant.
    I am right now, looking for some rear window stick figure stickers of a dad beating his stick figure kids with a stick.

    I know it is not the kids fault, Its just that parents suck at raising kids. I’m sure they start with good intentions, But after a few ,mind numbing years, they just give up.
    My hat is off to you, for posting what I have been saying for YEARS !

    • Thanks for the props. I do think it’s about time those of us who don’t reproduce start standing up to the breeders. Almost anyone can have a baby. It’s not like they’ve actually accomplished anything and yet I’m suppose to be so impressed by all this? I think not.

  4. Hi Skippy

    I’m a mother and I do agree with you about sharing intimite stories. I never tell those to anyone an I don’t even take photos of my child naked. But there my agree ends. If there is a problem in your egocentric mind that you don’t want to have kids, thats fine by me, just don’t look on us as garbage. “BREEDERS”?. You are so disturbed on many levels.

    • Hi Cassy. I am disturbed. Somewhat by you, but also by many other things. I get over it on a daily basis. I suggest you do as well. You are a breeder. Deal with it. I can, if I so desire, look on you as garbage. Sometimes other people have thoughts, ideas and opinions you don’t like. Being able to deal with that is called maturity.

      The medical definition of breeder – a female animal used basically for the production of saleable young.

      You are female, you are an animal, you have birthed and are raising (producing) a younger animal, one day you will want it to get a job and make money (saleable). Seem pretty clear to me.

      I also pay higher taxes than you do to subsidize your breeding. This also disturbed me. If you can’t afford to pay for it you shouldn’t make it.

      • Haha yeah, you get over things that disturb you on a daily basis. That’s why you wrote a huge article complete with documented examples of why other peoples’ babies disturb you, and took the time to reply to the majority of comments. You’re really letting it go. 🙂

  5. You must not be a “breeder”. Not all parents are breeders. You are probably one of the few Parents with their own life. Having a child is part of your life, not your WHOLE life. Good for you . we need more parents like that. He is talking about the parents that tout their kids as the smartest, greatest and most talented child to ever be birthed, and that people with no kids are missing out on something. Some of us feel the opposite. That’s all.

  6. Cassy,
    I did miss the “disturbed on many levels” comment. Some of us find it disturbing to want to devote your life to the care of an infant that is required to love you back because of what you have already done for it before it knows it’s alive. The infant doesn’t even get a choice in the matter. It is indebted to you for life because of your choice to have it, something it had no say in. Maybe it wouldn’t have chosen you as a parent if it had the choice. We’ll never know.

    Egocentric ? anyone who chooses not to have a child is the opposite of egocentric. Parents are the DEFINITION of egocentric.

    We are not the ones who have decided that the world desperately needs our spawn, much less God forbid 4 or 5 of them. We, the childless, are VERY AWARE that having children SHOULD be looked upon as a giant responsibility; one that most people who have kids are not qualified for. We have chosen to do everything else instead, like a career, or travel or whatever, because you CAN NOT have kids and have your own life as well.(although most parents try to.) That’s why they suck at raising children. That’s why we get to tell them why they are doing it wrong.

  7. I see. I don’t know what the reason is for you to not have kids, but in someway I’m happy that you don’t, so there is no heritage of you :). And sorry about taxes ( where I come from the taxes are equal for everyone ). But in someway you are not different then those who post pics of naked kids on the net – you are posting hatred towards “BREEDERS” ( I can not use to that word ). Surely I don’t mind and I also don’t care what you post on here, just don’t contradict yourself.

    • Where exactly do you come from that taxes are the same for everyone? If you’re anywhere in the United States married people get a tax break, and anyone with a child (married or not) gets a child tax credit for EACH child. I have to agree with the article, on nearly every count. And you are a breeder, I’m a breeder, but my kids owe me nothing. I don’t even expect my four year old to respect me without my having earned it. Yes, I take advantage of the child tax credits, and the tax break for being married, but I don’t feel entitled to them. If they were voted out of the tax code tomorrow I’d pay the extra and not complain. Denying that you’re a breeder is pointless, if you’ve had children you’ve bred, if you’ve bred you’re a breeder. You don’t have to like it, but simple logic makes it true. Hating the color blue won’t change the sky.

  8. As to you not understanding the reason we don’t want kids, we similarly don’t understand the reason you do want to have kids.
    Please proof read your comments before you post them, as most of your comment doesn’t make any sense.

  9. Hello Skippy and Chris,

    I am a “breeder” as you call them, and think that all kids are cute. Especially with some of the things that they say. I am happy to be a breeder and to spend everyday with my children. If you choose not to have children, good for you; but to say that all parents are doing it wrong, is along the same lines as calling all African Americans stupid and all Asians smart. It would be racism if being a “breeder” was a race. Chris, you may be 39 and divorced, but what will you do when you are 75, in a wheelchair, and no one comes to visit you? Your rants are like Ebeneezer Scrooge and you will most likely die that way.

  10. Loving this website… Modern parents are hopelessly awful, it’s a fact. We even had to invent a medical illness for the kids to cover up the hopelessness of the parents. It’s called ADHD. I didn’t get to try to speed until I was around 15. Not fair. Children should be loomed, and raised by intelligent robots. People jonesing to breed should be made to adopt grown adults like me who had sucky parents and a shitty childhood.

    • WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE ADHD AND AUTISM AND YOUR SAYING THAT IS MY PARENTS FAULT GET A GRIP IT LIKE YOU AND THE PERSON WHO WROTE THIS POST HATE KIDS NOW AS OF JULY THE 11TH 2013 I TURNED 16 I THINK YOU AND THE HATERS OF PEOPLE WITH KIDS NEED TO WAKE UP AND SEE THAT PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS GOING TO HAVE AND ALWAYS HAVE KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      • Wow, insightful response.
        Don’t worry ADHD wasn’t your (specifically) parent’s fault. Plus he never said anything about autism.
        But seeing as you brought it up, autism nowadays is much more general and doesn’t a Rain Man make, obviously by your ability to spam in caps lock. It has been changed in definition so people could make up an epidemic and then find a scapegoat to blame it on, most popular vaccinations, which is Bullshit!
        So you don’t have ADHD and you, probably, aren’t autistic. You’re just an average idiot churned out and raised by the aforementioned breeders.

        P.S. your lovely writing and constant reminder of your age makes most think you are probably younger and even more naive.

        • james how can i put this nicely first of i would like to take this time to tell you that you don’t know me and i don’t know you okay so yeah you can doubt the fa ct i have something i tell you, i have got a government statement proving the fact that i am have what i say i have. secondly I really am 16 and i can prove it the fact i was born on 11th july 1997 so if my math is right that makes me errrrrrrrr 16 so i proved you wrong twice now. so anything you can do i can do better.

          P.S. At least i am not a fat low life who sits in front of my computer all day trying to put everyone down..

  11. For Amanda: (quoted) “Chris, you may be 39 and divorced, but what will you do when you are 75, in a wheelchair, and no one comes to visit you?”

    Answer: I will have plenty to do, Keeping company to all the parents who have kids that hate them for screwing up their lives, as no one will be coming to see them either.
    Having children in no way guarantees that YOU will not be alone. Trust me on this one.

  12. I used to be like you. I used to look down on people with children. I used to believe many of the same things you’ve talked about in this bitter post. Now that I am a parent, I can actually see both sides. I know what it was like to be a single person, devoted to my career and traveling the world. I also know what it’s like to be a have a child. I look back at all the hours spent at the office, all of the luxurious vacations, all of the sight seeing, the fun and excitement, and none of it compares to the thrill of bringing new life into our world. It’s something you can’t ever understand until you have your own. But you seem to have a heart full of hate… It just makes me sad.

  13. I don’t have a heart full of hate, I just hate that SOME parents can’t understand why everyone doesn’t think their kids are as cute as they do. I don’t fault anyone for having kids. I simply believe that some people should not have kids, and don’t, but some people should not have kids, and DO.

    • chris then ur a moron it like trying to make a blind person see (this not impossible but takes a long time) what i am saying is WAKE UP!!

      • Care to expound on that?
        Maybe learn to spell?
        Make a whole argument?
        Act like a thinking being?
        or
        Continue to make loud noises as you slap your keyboard in this thing you call language…

        I’m dying to find out which the tension is killing me.
        OBVIOUS SARCASM ANYONE COULD GET BUT I THINK YOU NEED HELP. ALSO YOU NEED THINGS POINTED OUT TO YOU.

        • i do know how to spell and for your information it is expand not expound you dumb ass, and unlike you i don’t need to point out peoples failings and err i am not thick infact i got high grades at GCSE level (general certificate of secondary education) so yeah but there are one or two things you don’t know about me 1: i hate people who think they are better than me 2: i have a ADHD and autism so anytime you want to apologizes!! oh and one other thing at least i have respect and also i can make a loud noise on my keyboard smashing out what i call the english language which is spelled correctly by the way..

          • oh and jamesb at least i have a life other than my computer i have friends.

  14. Very well said – and I agree. Even though I’m a parent, it bothers me to no end when other parents think that either their kids are the best little things alive, or that they are the best parents ever.
    Some of the posts should just seem so one sided. You really can’t say you don’t want kids, because you just don’t know what it’s like to have any! It’s life changing, mind changing, and eye opening. This comes from someone who used to cringe at the sight of anything that drooled, pooped it’s pants, cried in public, smelled like steamed carrots, and couldn’t form clear sentences. Now I love the little monsters! So I get it … I get how it feels to be annoyed by other people’s kids, none of which are really cute to outsiders. I get how it feels to have no clue why someone would want children. I just wish it were easier to explain how awesome it is. It is instantly knowing true love. That’s why our kids are so cute to us – but I agree – no need to force what we think is cute on everyone else. The only person who thinks my kid is as cute as I do is my husband, and I would be a little creeped out if it were any other way!

    • Very well said. There are still some parents that have It right, just a lot that don’t. I’m glad you get our point.
      Thanks !

  15. As a parent who is a “breeder”(mother of 4)…I think this is just down right……Hysterical!!!!
    My children are no more precious than any other child in the world…I get extremely nauseated at the crap I see people write about their “special” little one on social media venues and the daily pictures posted with their children dressed to the 9’s with cheesy captions about their rugrat like they are the most wonderful thing in the world. It makes me question and wonder who are they really trying to convince, themselves or the public.

    Good job! 🙂

  16. I know this post is old but i disagree the reason why parents think their baby is cute is because it is theirs, their little human being that they brought into the world also the baby is their little world that if they lost they would no doubt morn and want their baby back but i think this is just based on one person who doesn’t want people to be happy that they have a child to call their own plus you haven’t been able to have a child of your own that’s why! The only thing is unlike most people who read these posts and add comments i have the right to voice my own opinions and i think you are wrong in trying to tell people that their own child is not cute how fucking dare you, i mean it is like being told that your fat and worthless in the street by people you don’t know. So my advice to you is keep your opinions to yourself!!!!! NO ONE WANTS TO BE TOLD THAT THEIR OWN CHILD IS NOT CUTE!!!! When do morons like you grow up it is like your seven in fact a seven year old knows not to point out peoples floors but you get a kick out of it you FUCK BUTTKISSING MORON I HOPE THAT YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE GOES TO HELL!!!

  17. I know this post is old but i disagree the reason why parents think their baby is cute is because it is theirs, their little human being that they brought into the world also the baby is their little world that if they lost they would no doubt morn and want their baby back but i think this is just based on one person who doesn’t want people to be happy that they have a child to call their own plus you haven’t been able to have a child of your own that’s why! The only thing is unlike most people who read these posts and add comments i have the right to voice my own opinions and i think you are wrong in trying to tell people that their own child is not cute how fucking dare you, i mean it is like being told that your fat and worthless in the street by people you don’t know. So my advice to you is keep your opinions to yourself!!!!! NO ONE WANTS TO BE TOLD THAT THEIR OWN CHILD IS NOT CUTE!!!! When do morons like you grow up it is like your seven in fact a seven year old knows not to point out peoples floors but you get a kick out of it you FUCKING BUTTKISSING MORON I HOPE THAT YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE GOES TO HELL!!!

  18. Why would you name your site http://www.youaredefinitelydoingitwrong.com/ and then not willing to hear other peoples opinions i am 16 i have autism and ADHD and how dare people say that it is my parents fault i think that it is the worlds fault and most of you are right you don’t know what it is like to have a child (not saying that i have because i haven’t.) but the number of parents that abuse their children for example to name a few: beat them up to try and change them, have incest with them because they can, force them to eat out of a bin etc, what i am saying is their are a lot of people that do not understand or have forgotten how to care for one of their own. My next door neighbor past and present do drugs but one of them at least don’t do it in front of their kids and i am not saying that is right but what i am asking is what on god’s green earth gives you the right to judge what other people do?? The answer is YOU DON’T i would never allow myself to use drugs that are against the law and that could possibly get me or a member of my family killed or seriously injured, i wouldn’t be able to live with my self if i did. I agree with some of the things being said like there are people that should of never had kids. i want kids i want to have a wife someday and start a family and settle down and no matter what everyone else thinks of that all that matters is that my children will be raised by a loving caring person that loves to listen. and i know that many people who read this are going to say well what does he know he is only a 16 year old and knows nothing. if any real parents read this i would love to know what you think of this post.

  19. james b i am glad you have got my message and at least i dont hate everyone for what i am turning out to be in your case a moron and this the truth if you cant expect it then that is your problem

  20. Picking on a 16 year old!?? Just goes to show how mature you really are! Just because you don’t get laid and hate the world, you shouldn’t take it out on this poor kid. Just do us alll a favor and kill yourself! 🙂

  21. This makes no sense. You wouldn’t be he if your parents didn’t have kids. Your problem is that your resentful towards your parents so you act like everyone who has a kid shouldn’t. Just bc ur parents suck don’t take it out on others. Ppl want to have a purpose in life. They want to see their kid go off to kindergarten, give them a hug when they’re sad, kiss them goodnight, watch them graduate elementary school then high school, and have their own family one day. People need to have kids for the world to carry on. Your just a bitter asshole who is jealous of ppl that have kids that make them happy. Ppl with a great life don’t care about shit like this. You do bc ur lonely and will be alone forever bc of ur bitter attitude. U talk about parents losing kids lives and kids ruining parents lives. Well for every parent I hear say their kids ruined their life I hear 500 say they’re life was made complete. And a parent doesn’t ruin a kids life bc if it weren’t for them they wouldn’t be here so that’s a dumb argument. You honestly are a waste of life. You have no heart. Just drop dead. Your argument is so specific and your generalizing it for every single parent and kid out there. Your an idiot and ur lucky to even have a mother who loves u. Have fun being alone

  22. I agree only because of the special snowflake disorders it’s terrible and narsasistic the world is already horribly over populated earth is being shit on because people are so full of themselves they think that they are so awesome that they should make more little thems and that’s what bothers me and when they are bored they push the kids off on someone else like oh I’m done playing dress up and being good parent on fb let me go party people seem to think that their kids are perfect and then create little psychos the special snowflake shit has got to stop your kid is no better than the next were all people chill out and stop pushing out 5 or six kids because you want a big family it’s selfish and mostly anyone can have a child you lay on your back and get nutted in its pretty simple it’s not like your the only person to ever get fucked lol we get it you fucked and got pregnant that’s what happened it’s not that serious